Valentine’s Day Survival Kit

Dear Single Ladies,

We know you'll try hard today to smile at the clueless-looking men you see coming out of grocery stores holding cheesy floral bouquets. And tomorrow you'll listen politely to your happily coupled friends' stories of V-Day bliss. But tonight is your night to just feel sorry for yourself. Yes, you heard us. We're all about being as happy alone as you are in a set, and If you're single all year, we want you to smile about it on 364 of those 365 days -- because being single can be truly fabulous (trust us, we know!). But today -- and today alone -- you are allowed to forget that many of your coupled friends hate each other the other 364 days of year and just indulge in some serious "woe-is-me-for-being-single" time. Here are a few things we've collected to get your pity party started: 

Warm Buddies -- Yes, this could be a late-night informercial item. It is, however, also awesome. Who needs a hot man when you've got a heated teddy bear? (Don't answer that.)

Petfinder.com -- If a stuffed animal just doesn't quite do it for you, why not consider adopting a real one? And if you, like some of us, have a hard enough time just taking care of yourself, stick instead to CuteOverload.com. 

Half Wit Wines -- You're going to drink more than one of these half-bottles (let's be honest), but you'll feel better knowing you can say, "It's not like I drank a full bottle by myself or anything."

Dream Man Arm Pillow, and The Notebook -- Sobbing your way through this film is going to be the low point of the evening, so we're going to allow you this truly creepy stuffed spooner to help you through it. However, come midnight, you must burn him or else risk actually dying alone. Finale this experience with a full-album listening of Adele's 21.

Voodoo Doll Toothpick Holder -- If your ex-boyfriend is anything like ours, he's torturing himself enough by coupling up with a woman widely known to be the actual spawn of Satan. However, it can't hurt (you, anyway) to help the torture along a bit. This will also be useful in picking the Twizzler and other junk food bits from your teeth. 

Magic Frog-to-Prince -- As the night wanes, we want you to get the positivity back on track. Here's a little hope in a bottle for you. 

Nice Jewish Guys Calendar -- End the night with a reminder of the kind of guys you should be on the lookout for, and next year your smugly married friends might find themselves saying "mazel" from the singles table at your wedding.

xo, Broke Girl's Guide